פרשת מטות-מסעי
ויגשו אליו ויאמרו גדרת הצאן נבנה למקננו וערים לטפנו וגו' | במדבר, ל"ב, ט"ז
They approached him and said, “Enclosures for the flock we shall build for our livestock and cities for our children…
The parsha describes the conversation between Bnei Gad/Bnei Reuven and Moshe. They said"גדרת צאן נבנה למקננו פה וערים לטפנו" - we will build pens for our animals, and then we will build cities and homes for our wives and children. Moshe realized that they valued their possessions above the needs of their children, as Rashi says, “You have your priorities mixed up. You are making the טפל into the עיקר.” Moshe answered them saying: "בנו לכם ערים לטפכם וגדרים לצאנכם" - first worry about your children and your families, and then worry about your money and possessions.
Reb Chaim Yosef Kofman in מחשבת הלב explains that we must remember throughout our life that family comes first - and then our business. This lesson did not end with Bnei Gad and Bnei Reuven; it is still a struggle that we deal with on a daily basis as we often run after our money and tend to neglect the chinuch of our children, chas v’shalom.
Perhaps we can compare this conversation to the question a Kohen asks a father at the פדיון הבן of his firstborn son. מאי בעית טפי?"" - What do you prefer? Would you rather give me your child or redeem him for 5 silver coins? This question seems ludicrous. Do you really believe that a father would say to the Kohen, “I will keep my money and you keep my son.”
In truth, though, this is the lifelong question that every parent must deal with: “What are my priorities for this child?” And this is the lesson that the Kohen is asking a young father at this critical moment after his first child is born: מאי בעית טפי?"" - what kind of life do you want for this child? Is Torah, mitzvos and ruchnius the עיקר, or is it all about the money?
A parent must remember the story of Bnei Gad and Bnei Reuven and not let the טפל become the עיקר. This is your time to decide, with your family’s future in mind, where to live, how to live, where to daven and what yeshivos and mosdos to send your children to.
This parsha is always read during the 3 weeks of mourning, a time when we realize that all the money in the world will not be sufficient to rebuild our eternal Bais HaMikdash. Rather, loving and bringing up our children and building a home of Kiddush Hashem, where the עיקר is the עיקר - will bring us closer to our dream of a rebuilt Bais HaMikdash, במהרה בימינו.
About the Author: Rabbi Yisroel Meir Rubinfeld
Rabbi Rubinfeld has been in the field of Torah education for over 3 decades and serves as an Executive School Consultant for Torah Umesorah. He provides an array of services to schools across North America, including teacher and principal mentorship, school and curricula evaluations, professional development and parent education.
Rabbi Rubinfeld's expertise includes classroom management and discipline, effective instruction, bullying, cultivating sensitivity in the classroom, impulse disorders (such as ADHD and ODD), and balancing the educational needs of mainstream and special needs children in the classroom.
Rabbi Rubinfeld is the also the founder and director of Torah Umesorah's Lilmod U'Lilamed department which provides professional development for teachers and principals throughout the year.
Rabbi Rubinfeld is a talmid of the distinguished Yeshivos of Yeshiva Rabbi Chaim Berlin, the Mirrer Yeshiva in Yerushalayim and Bais Medrash Govoha in Lakewood.